Trigger points

I remember reading an article about the effects of grief on the mind. How many grieving parents, loved ones could suffer from a form of PTSD.

Post traumatic stress disorder is often though to be only related to soldiers, those many brave men and women who come home battle scarred. Who have seen more than most could imagine. I for one am not disputing how terrible and awful this is. Still it is true that post traumatic stress disorder can occur for different reasons. It could happen to a victim of a crime, a witness of a traumatic event a harrowing close call , etc.

So yes I can see grief causing PTSD in fact let’s be honest I think I could venture out and say that grief could actually be at the heart of it. Grief is the extreme sadness at the loss of something and in all cases I have mentioned there is an element of loss.

Soldiers have lost part of themselves through all they have witness.

Victims of crime have lost part of themselves to the perpetrator.

Whatever has happened, who ever caused it the event has taken away who you were before it. So yes you have lost a part of you.

I know I lost a part of me when Livvy died. I changed right there and then. I could never go back to the person I was before. I had lost my daughter. How could it not have changed me? What greater loss is there than the loss of a child?

This article was trying to get people to really understand how badly one could be effected by grief. How what some would state as a mental condition is actually also a physical condition.

How we need to accept and understand our trigger points.

Personally this all made sense, I know there are places, smells even people that cause my heartbeat to race. That when I am at a certain place or I smell a certain aroma ,I see or hear certain things I am transported back into the time when I was there with Livvy.

This is often beyond just memories, take for example the local emergency unit I cannot enter it without feeling nauseous. It was there I left my beautiful girl. Even now still the siren of an ambulance makes me tremble.

Triggers aren’t always expected either they can hit you when you least expected. Like only the other day when I was at the children’s hospital.  I was sitting there minding my own when a girl passed me with blond crazy curls. My body shook and  I could have just sobbed right there and then.

Being truthful I had expected to be little upset. I had spend so long in this hospital with Livvy. I could see her in the corridors, the cafe everywhere. So maybe my body was primed, but blond curls, seriously.

I actually had to pinch myself to stop me from falling apart. Here I was trying to be brave for my foster son, losing it wasn’t an option. Well, it wasn’t until a few hours after when in the privacy of my bedroom I could let the tears fall.

I guess why I’m sharing this is because sometimes we need to understand our minds and our body’s and how one can seriously effect the other. Also I think we need to be kind to ourselves a little more.

Grief in any form is a powerful thing. Maybe you are grieving the loss of a friendship, job, marriage. Maybe like me you heart is forever broken by the loss of a child. I don’t know. Yet understanding that this loss changed you is the only way you can more forward. It’s not easy and their will always be triggers but to put it simply life goes on. Even when at times you don’t want it to.

Listen to both your mind and your body and understand that sometimes being brave isn’t an option.

be kind to yourself

Twenty years on, do I love him like I did?

I was chatting to someone a few days back and they said something that really made me think. They told me they loved their husband the same as when they first met them. This got me thinking.

Do I love my husband the same way?
It’s been twenty years since our first date, do I love him like I did then?

My answer 

Dear Alan 

From the moment I saw you I think I loved you, no matter how hard I tried to deny it you were in my heart forever. 
When you asked me to marry you my heart finally felt complete.

The day I became your wife I questioned if I could ever love another as I love you.

Still twenty years on I have to admit I don’t love you like I did then. 

You don’t make my heart skip a beat anymore at the sound of your voice.

My skin doesn’t tingle when you reach out for me.

It’s not the same 

It’s so much better

I look back over our 20 years, over all we have been through and how I know I couldn’t have survived it all without you. 

My heart may not skip beats at the sound of your voice but my soul feels a peace it only knows from you. 

My skin may not tingle at your touch but my whole body burns to be close to you, connected with you.

20 years ago I didn’t think I could love you more, but I do. Gone is the flirty lust filled love and in its place is a deep emotional connection. 

We are so different you and I. 

I wear my heart on my sleeve. My mouth opens quicker than my brain engages. I stress the little things, the big things and those in between. 

It used to frustrate me how laid back you are, now I see you are the calm to my storm. You are the peace to my hurricane. 

Life has blessed us and hurt us. I have found myself falling into the depths of despair only stopping in my freefall by the strength and love you have wrapped around me like a safety cradle keeping me safe.

I watch you grow each day. Taking on challenges, pushing yourself. It makes me so proud to call you mine. You encourage me to reach out for my dreams, always supporting me on the sidelines.

My heart is full from the way you care for our children. Ones ours from birth others ours by heart. Nothing is too much to make them happy. Your girls have you wrapped around their fingers. Your boy looks up to you his eyes saying “that’s my daddy”.

I think of the children we have still yet to meet, how lucky they will be to call you dad.

The last 20 years have been one heck of a ride. But if I had to do it all again I would in a heartbeat as long as you were there by my side. 

Marriage is a crazy thing, I’m sure no one has all the answers. I’m just glad I got to face the questions with you.

I don’t love you like I did when we first met. 

No I love you so much more.

Thanks for putting up with this crazy girl.

  
Here’s to the next 20. 

Sara xx

Urban Decay

Last weekend I was invited to spend some time at the Urban Decay store in Selfridges Birmingham to learn a little about their new spring range that  has just hit the stores. I know a little of the Urban Decay products but was super excited to learn more.

   

 

The afternoon was also a great opportunity to meet other bloggers too. I love any chance to network and get to know more bloggers and extend my blog list.

The event was hosted by the beautiful Kirsty who is completely stunning and really knows her beauty products.

  
 

I was really impressed by the Urban Decay products the whole range offers you a fantastic variety. There is something to suit anyone’s personal taste.

From neutrals to bright pinks and purples.

The new range of lip glosses were stunning, really pigmented and I just fell in love with the purple ones.

  
 I need.

The Birmingham Selfridges store also hold a limited amount of the truly beautiful vault. A box of stunning lipsticks and liners.

  
If money was no option I would have left the store an owner of one of these beautiful collections.

At the beginning of the event Kirsty asked us all what products we were interested in learning more about and for many of us the search was on for the perfect foundation. I know for me it’s becoming a long endless search as I have got older I have different needs and wants from a foundation. Kirsty was fantastic in colour matching me with one of the new Naked Skin foundations and after a trial I was sold. The range is fantastic for all skin tones and the foundation gives an amazing coverage yet really does feel weightless.

  
I seriously fell in love with many of the products and left with a bottle of foundation and two amazing eye shadows which are so pigmented they are stunning. Even my husband commented on them and that’s saying something.

  
I now have a wish list of quite a few must have products including that purple lipgloss which I am regretting leaving without. I also would like one of the new individual blushers. 

The Urban Decay range really impressed me and I will certainly be adding to my own as soon as I can.

A big thanks to Kirsty for hosting the event and to Urban Decay Selfridges Birmingham for the invite.

See you soon.

Tearing our children down

I just wanted to share this clip of the Ellen Show with the beautiful Melissa Mcarthy.

Ellen asked Melissa about her recent meeting with a reporter and how she addressed some of the hurtful things he had written about her.

 
I admire Melissa so much not only is a she an extremely talented actress she is so confident in herself and her size. She makes no excuses for being plus size and why should she?  Why should any of us?

This clip really got me though. Click photo to watch. 

  
I am a mom of four beautiful daughters and I have watched them struggle with body confidence. Trying to fit in even when they don’t really want to.

I’ve sat at the dinner table watching my daughter push the food around her plate because some silly boy had called her fat.

Words can hurt and as Melissa said they are tearing strip by strip off our children.

Of course I hope that one day my daughters and everyone’s daughters will love the body they have.

But until the media stops force feeding us all false expectations, fake role models and diet craze after diet craze more of our children will be stripped to the core of their selves.

Would It change what I believe? 

As I placed my lottery this weekend I was wondering about what I would do if I won the jackpot. A dream i’m sure we all have had at one time or another. I was wondering if being a millionaire would change my political view point. 

It’s easy I guess to say tax the wealthy when you are poor. Would my view be the same if I was one of the elite?

I didn’t have to think about it that long because I truly think my answer would be no.

I don’t think my viewpoint would change.

You see no amount of money can replace my compassion or my empathy.

But most of all money couldn’t replace my need to feel part of something.

You see we have all been sold the lie that being individualistic is the only way to live. To only think about oneself and our own wants and needs. But this only leads to one thing loneliness. 

The consumerism lie that things can make you happy has been pushed down our throats way to long.

Yet the truth is far from it. 

The newest model phone can be fun, but will it hug you close as you fall asleep?

That gorgeous designer handbag will look good on your arm but will it laugh out loud at your stupid jokes or wipe away your tears when you are sad?

Community and relationships are the greatest of things and money cannot buy them. 

Having money won’t stop me loving on children who have no place to call home.

Stop me fighting for services and support for my friends who are either disabled or raising disabled children.

Having a full bank account will not stop me encouraging those who need support or guidance. 

I’m not going to lie and say winning the lottery wouldn’t be amazing. My adapted home on a farm depends on it. 

Yet whilst the money would make life easier it wouldn’t make me complete.

It’s my, family, friends and passions that do this. 

   

Lets play on National Children’s Day

Play, that thing we assume all children do.

But do we realise how important it is to our children’s development?

  • Play increases self-esteem and self respect.
  • Improves physical and mental health.
  • Extends their social skills, teaches turn taking and patience.
  • Encourages imagination and creativity
  • Offers opportunities and for children of abilities and cultures to play together.

 

Today is National Children’s Day

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Let’s celebrate our children and make today one of play.

 

The crazy bunch of people I get to call my friends.

“I’m tired of friendships mom” words I wasn’t expecting to hear from my 14 year old daughter. I mean giving up on friendship at 14 seriously I think I was at least in my twenties before I felt this way.

My daughter and I are similar we tend to lay our hearts on the line a lot quicker than most. We have so much hope and often find ourselves a little shell shocked from life, from people.

Our hearts can be a little battered.

Friendship is a seriously strange thing, it can bring so much joy but can also turn you upside down and inside out.

My life has been blessed by friendship but also my heart has been broken by it too.

I hate watching my daughter walk this pathway, watching her turn herself in circles.  I am shocked at how cruel we can be to each other. How words can be flung about without any reproach.

I hope that one day my daughter finds the friends she deserves, those that will cherish her tender heart.

I know I am so grateful for my friends, the people that surround me in my life today. My friends keep me sane, they drag me out of my moments of darkness, they challenge me to be the best that I can be.

I love that I get to surround myself with friends who share my passions, ones that are willing to stand up for others. Fight for disability rights, free speech, equality and to challenge and change political policies.

I am honoured that I share my life with mothers and fathers of children with special needs, parents caring for their children with compassion, empathy and kindness.

With foster parents, adoptive parents who open their homes and hearts to children in need.

Recently I have found myself building friendships with amazing women who are pro active in the body positive movement, woman who are encouraging  other woman to love their bodies and celebrate who they are.

Friendships are ever evolving, some friends are there for a lifetime some for just a moment.

Yet for however long your friendship lasts its special, it changes you, makes a mark on your life,

So today I’m taking time to celebrate my friendships and to say thank you to the crazy bunch of people I get to call my friends.

I truly love you all.  xxx

 

Friends

True Inscription 

A few weeks ago someone asked me why my daughters gravestone didn’t say beloved daughter, sister and maybe granddaughter. As many of the others did. 

I wasn’t going to answer but the question has been turning over and over In my mind. 

The truth is what you write on your loved ones stone is a personal preference,  but for us, we simply couldn’t get a stone big enough to define who Livvy was to everyone 

Besides being a daughter, Olivia was a beloved sister, she was also a granddaughter, a niece, a god daughter, a cousin and a dear friend. Livvy was also a pupil loved by her teachers.  A patient well cared for by her doctors she was all this and so much more. One neighbour told me that she was the smile that brightened his day. 

How could one stone hold all that she was, all that she is? 

Choosing a gravestone is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. You have limited space and a small amount of words to describe your loved one. How do you honour them in your words? So many times since the stone was laid I have questioned did we make the right choice, I think we did.

  

Still I don’t think the stone is all we have to remember or honour my sweet girl. 

Everything that we do is in hope to bring joy to her memory. The laughter we share together as a family, the arms that we open to others children. The friendships we make.

The stone is a place which marks the spot where her ashes lie.

Yet in my heart and in those who love her is the true inscription that honours my beautiful girl. 

Sugar and Spice

The last few weeks have been crazy my wardrobe of daily choice has simply been what has been ironed. Still that hasn’t stopped me looking at some gorgeous outfits and new summer styles that have been coming out.

A few months back I was on the search for an evening dress for the Mayors Awards evening and I came across the website Curvety  a site full of some beautiful dresses. Fast forward a month I was offered the chance to review one of the dresses that I had been looking at. I wasn’t going to say no was I!

Curvety

 

This Sugar and Spice dress by Kiyonna really caught my eye, I just loved the fishnet neckline which gave me a chance to show of my body art.  I loved the fact that it had a mixture of style and elegance.

The sizing is very generous, the material is beautiful. The dress felt so well made and a pleasure to wear.

I think it would be just right for a romantic meal or a formal event.

 

DSC_0041curvety

 

Curvety have some amazing clothes for plus size woman, don’t take my word for it go check them out. Maybe you will find that perfect outfit you have been searching for.

 

 

*I was gifted this dress for the purpose of a review but all opinions, views  are my own.