Sometimes I find myself wondering if the world has moved too far forward.
If Livvy is a part of the past that is being forgotten.
Will she become one of the distant memories that only hang on in the edge of your mind.
I watch my girls living life and wonder if they remember their mischevious little sister and how life was when she was with us.
Today was one of those moments as I sat on the beach watching the world go by, just wondering.
Then my daughter called me over and showed me this.
How foolish am I?
Livvy will never be forgotten while there is breathe left in ones that love her.
but love is eternal
I find comfort in the setting of the sun.
The knowledge that today is over and night is on its way
Like the rhythm of the tides the pattern of sunrise and sunset are the timetable of the earth.
When all the world around me feels like its lost its beat. God reminds us that its all in his hands.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
(Matthew 6:34, NIV)
I sometimes find myself smiling at the above scripture, Jesus is teaching about letting go of our worries and just focus on today. Just like the sun tomorrow will be here at some point just focus on the now.
The reason I smile is this though the part where Jesus says “each day will have enough trouble of its own”. It reminds me that life is chaotic and sometimes unpredictable and what seems like gigantic today will maybe seem trivial tomorrow.
I look back down my life and see those days where I was so stressed about bills or health issues, when I couldn’t sleep due to anxiety for something that may happen only for the next day to bring a solution or the worry not even to manifest. All that anxiety, that stress for nothing.
Then on the other side, in 2008 Livvy had the best year in a long time, walking independently when doctors said it would never happen. Seizures coming all under control. 2008 was the time I finally stopped stressing about losing her and look what happened. She was gone in a blink of an eye.
No one knows what tomorrow may bring but as the day ends with the setting of the sun and rises at the next dawn I find comfort in the one who does.
The creator of the gift of nature, the painter of that glorious night sky , the artist of the majestic dawn.
Our Lord knows the plans he has for us.
I trust in him.
I was convinced into buying our tourer caravan by the phrases, “its so easy” “so much better than the tent” “home from home”.
Well somehow we have gone wrong.
Every holiday starts with me feeling so stressed I just don’t want to go. I’m ready to just stay in the comfort of my own home and give up on holidays all together.
The idea behind having the same setting for our autistic foster son is fantastic but this doesn’t help when as soon as he sees you getting prepared he has a complete melt down from excitement.
A husband that decides that the night before you leave is the perfect time to wash both the car and caravan is not helpful at all. To be honest I wouldn’t have minded if he had checked the electrics, water etc beforehand, you know the really useful things. The concept of washing a car to drive over a field is a one completely lost on me.
So as you can imagine as I had spend hours last night ironing and preparing meals I was a little peeved to say the least this morning to find him searching for towing mirrors and checking electrics.
Caravanning is supposed to be easy so what are we doing so wrong?
Why am I so frustrated I could scream?
Is it simply just the fact that my husband deserved to be strangled or are there ways of getting prepared a lot easier?
Anyway we didn’t find the towing mirror and had to go buy another one but thankfully, the journey is over and we are at the campsite.
The water pump is playing up, it took us an hour to find the kettle but we are here and as the sun sets over an amazing view, I am slowly relaxing and hopefully will enjoy a stress free few days.
Ok who am i kidding, hopefully I will enjoy a less stressful few days.
Oh and before I forget, we dropped into the camp my two teenagers are staying at with their church group. The look on their faces when they thought we had followed them on holiday, was priceless. In fact we are only twenty minutes away but besides dropping off some forgotten items I am staying well away. While they may think it is a parents free week I am enjoying my teen free week more.
Now if I could just lose the husband.
Sometimes I choose not to write, not to throw my hat into the arena of comments and opinions. I virtually bite my tongue and stay quiet.
Not because I don’t have an opinion, I do, but I just don’t know enough.
I don’t know the real situation behind the headlines or gossip.
I don’t know the real people behind the photos or blog posts.
Being behind the computer gives us an opportunity to be.
A place where we can be ourselves and let our voices be heard.
But I ask the question, are we who we say we are?
Sometimes I read stories and blog posts and wonder, did that really happen?
Is their life really that perfect?
So many times we create ideas and ideals that people cannot or shouldn’t try and live up to.
Then we feel disappointed when we meet them in real life or the truth is unearthed.
But whose fault is that, have we created our own opinion or have they created one which isn’t true to what we now see.
So when the news headlines fill my screens or the television is full of the latest reality television show, I simply switch off.
I will not form an opinion of another from another’s words, I want to meet, feel and listen to their heart.
Only then when I know the full story,
Will I choose to speak,
Choose to write.
No more biting my tongue when they don’t understand.
It seems being sensitive is a crime nowadays.
It’s ok mom she says, it’s over, I’ve finished, I’ve left.
Yet I’m still left with a taste of bitterness in my mouth.
I’m praying the senior school will be where she finds her place.
She tells me she isn’t lost.
“God will always be my direction
He is my heart and I won’t change that to fit in.”
Those who tell me she is too sensitive, too weak.
Hear her heart as it beats with the strength of love, the warmth of compassion and the kindness of empathy.
My baby is enough
My baby is more than enough
She is one of God’s amazing creations and he makes no mistakes
This is Enough
I watched my daughters school play today, it was based on the Olympics and was really good and very humorous. My husband, I and my mom had a great time.
Yet as I was sitting there watching the stage full of year 6 I was struck by the fact that this week brings an end to an era for us known as primary education.
This week I have watched my last primary school play, will attend my last leavers service and will soon be doing my final school run.
All my babies are actually now fully fledged senior school children. How in the world did that happen?
It only feels like yesterday I was crying on the school playground as I watched my daughter enter the classroom for her first day at school, 7 years on, here I am.
Now I’m going to say this all loosely because as you all know I dream of adoption so if my dreams become reality one day I will be doing this all again, though of course a little different as I will hopefully one day adopt a special needs child.
But I’m regressing again in the here and now this is a big thing for me, no more school runs, no more school playground politics this it.
I will be waving all four off at the door in September.
What shall I do with the time?
Will I use the time saved by not having to do the school run to stay on top of the housework?
Yeah like thats going to happen.
Maybe I will get my paperwork in order and blog posts out on time.
Errrrmmm, we will see.
I haven’t a clue, to be honest the time will probably get lost in the norm.
The real thing I have to get my head around is that my baby is no longer a baby.
She is off to senior school.
Not sure I like the idea of her being in that big place surrounded by those evil beings we call teenagers.
No seriously ,I’m not that worried she has had plenty of practice with her sisters.
Senior school is going to be a great thing for Brodie, her desire to learn is great so hopefully this will encouraged and nurtured.
As for me I will be a brave mommy and wont cry as I stand on that playground for the last time. Wont blubber all the way through the leaving service even when she sings her solo.
I will be a brave mommy who looks forward to the freedom of no school runs and the opportunity to stay in my pjs all morning and catch an extra hour in bed.
Ok maybe thats a big fib, I will be sobbing and refusing to accept my baby is growing up, but isn’t that a mothers right?
I think I have a bit of the post conference blues.
At the Brit mums weekend I was Sara and I loved it.
As much as I cherish being mom sometimes I lose my identity under the piles of dirty washing and endless tantrums.
My job also doesn’t really give me a place to be Sara as a foster carer parenting is my job, which yes I love but hey where am I?
Maybe it just a case of the blues, that will soon pass over, or maybe its the inner me shouting a little louder than normal.
While we all love our roles of mother, wife etc we still need to remember that we are ourselves too.
To indulge in our passions be in it books, nights out, nights in.
Whatever we desire, need.
I need to take this on board more.
I need to not wait for those once a year weekends to embrace the woman inside.
This doesn’t detract from the roles I play it enhances them.
A happy mom makes for happy children.
A contented wife has a contented husband
So I’m make a new resolution (no its not new year) I’m going to celebrate me a little more, indulge me a little more, embrace me a little more.
I’m going to step out of the roles that have been defining me and learn more about the woman within.
I’m sure she is still there somewhere?
Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all. Hans Christian Anderson
Growing up I loved fairy tales, escaping into the world of make believe. Snow White was one of my favorite, I confess I loved the role of the wicked stepmother.
So when I was invited to the exclusive preview screening of the film Mirror Mirror, I was so excited until I realized that the date clashed with another commitment.
So my loss is your gain.
Win a family pass to see MIRROR MIRROR!
To celebrate the release of MIRROR MIRROR on DVD & Blu-ray from 30th July, we are giving away a family pass of 4 to see an exclusive preview screening of the film in Central London. The event will also have drinks, nibbles and activities for the kids from with a free giveaway for every child! Please note the winner will need to be able to get into London on Monday 23rd July at 11am.
One of the most beloved stories of all time gets a modern make over and comes to life, in this spectacular motion picture event starring Oscar®-winner Julia Roberts as the evil Queen and Lily Collins (The Blind Side) as Snow White. A fresh and funny retelling of the classic fairy tale, the film also stars Armie Hammer (The Social Network) as the Prince, Sean Bean (“Game of Thrones”) as the King, and Nathan Lane (The Birdcage) as the Queen’s hapless and bungling servant, Brighton.
Take a look at the trailer, it looks awesome.
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MIRROR MIRROR is released on DVD & Blu-ray 30th July 2012 courtesy of StudioCanal UK
All you need to do to enter is leave me a comment on this post and on wednesday evening I will draw the lucky winner.