I was chatting to my husband last night about friendships.

How much they mean to us? How, sometimes friendship can be a risky business. It can bring you joy, but it can also bring you pain.

For the last few years my friendships have really changed. Some I believed would be friends for life have disappeared into the wilderness. Others have grown and flourished.

 We then got on to the subject of the friendships I have made online, through various ways, blogging twitter and facebook. He asked if I believed these to be real friendships.

Wow REAL friendship??

 I know I wonder quite often if the people I chat to daily would like me if we were to meet in real life but then again why shouldn’t they. The conversations we have over the internet are probably more honest than many face to face ones. We don’t try to be what we think the other wants. We get to be open with our beliefs our dreams and wishes. I also know for me that writing how I feel is easier than saying it.

Of course you have some who pretend the world is wonderful around them, but to be honest you can see through that quite easily. No one’s life is perfect we all struggle and have problems. That’s doesn’t mean we are unhappy just that’s life.

Would I like to meet my online friends in the real world? You bet ya, yes the first five minutes may be a bit awkward but before long all those conversations that have kept us up till the early hours would come as easy as if we were still hiding behind our keyboards. The best thing though is that all those virtual hugs would become real ones.

Online friendships are amazing. You become friends due to who you are and what you believe not just because you live down the road or attended the same school. We converse with people who really understand us and what we are about. We support, guide mentor each other from our hearts. I have found people who really understand me, my desire to raise my children well, and my love of my faith.

Yes of course I would love meals out, coffee mornings and days at the park with these friends, but I thank God for the internet and for bringing people into my life.

The internet brings people who are like-minded together, unfortunately that isn’t always a good thing but that is another blog post (the evils of the internet).

Today I am just grateful for my real life friends and my online friends both bring me joy. Thank you all for showing the value of friendship.

I love to take photographs especially now I have my new camera. The problem is this leaves me with is a big bill when it comes to getting them all developed. Then thanks to the wonderful world of Twitter I was introduced to a fabulous website called. http://www.freephotoprinting.net/

This site has saved me over £20 in the first week of using it. I have ordered some photos from both Tesco and Kodak via it. How fantastic is that. I’m also waiting on a free photo book from Vista print.

http://www.freephotoprinting.net/  is great for getting your digital prints but also for photo cards, gifts etc

Sign up for their email alerts and it will keep you up to date with new offers in digital printing.

So what do you have to lose? Check out http://www.freephotoprinting.net/ and if you are a twitter user follow them @freephotoprints.

Each week my grandfather would take a slow walk up the hill to the local post office to collect his pension. I would sit on the steps on the building so excited waiting for him to come out.

While I loved spending any time I could with this man. The reason for my excitement would be the cheap paper exercise book in his hand. This book was mine.

The pages of these books became my escape to worlds of adventure. Faraway lands full of intrigue and mysteries. Poems full of rhyme and prose (ok I hoped).

Writing has always been escape for me. Words like my emotions just come flooding out of my heart. They don’t always make sense but then again life never does.

When my Grandfather died so did a part of me. I stopped writing and stopped believing in dreams.

Then I got introduced to the world of blogging. Many don’t understand the passion behind it but for me it has been freedom.

Yes sometimes I get caught up and worry about the number of visitors to my site or the lack of comments, but none of this compares to the release I get from sharing my words.

I have no aspirations to become an author. Though I’m sure the story of my life could fill many pages of a book. I just enjoy words, as they roll off my tongue and those who know me in the real world will second this.  I also love the way they fill the pages with their meanings, hopes desires.

I have been on a journey the last year or so, coming home in a way to the real me. I find myself filling the pages again of my notebooks with my dreams, my thoughts.

I have also found my faith.

The passion I have found in the glory of God is something I have yet to find the words to explain. Amazement, wonder, whilst wonderful words do not come close.

“You know the way to the place where I am going” John 14.4

I don’t have a clue where my words or my faith will take me, but I feel alive for the first time in such a long time. I’m on a journey that is evolving in each step. Learning new things about myself each day. Embracing the eccentricities’ that I hold inside of me. Finding the courage to accept that not everyone is going to like me but that’s ok, as long as I like who I am. I have also made some incredible friends who see the real me and seem to think I’m ok.

Having faith has given me strength and courage yet it has also given me inspiration.

My words show my heart, but my heart belongs to the Lord.

“Then Jesus said “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”  John 11:40

Today, I am thankful

That…….

I was able to go to church this morning and be with my family and friends and worship my God.

That ……

I get to call this man my husband.

That ……

These are my girls

That….

I have remembered how to smile.

 “Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever” Psalms 136.1

Dear Livvy

Hey babes today you would be leaving primary school and stepping out into the strange world of seniors.

I wonder how you would have reacted when that day in September came and you had to enter a new school. You were never very keen on change. The senior school I’m told is excellent remember we watched in being built. All snazzy with a new pool and therapy area. To be truthful you wouldn’t have cared about the building, you were always about the people. If they were kind and fun you were happy.

You had this amazing way of knowing people; it was like you could see inside to their inner soul and knew what kind of heart they had. Some would light up your face others wouldn’t even get eye contact. You were a great judge of character.

I was looking at the facebook pictures of your friends at the leavers’ assembly. I’ve got to confess it’s hard. Well it’s wonderful to see them all grown and excited for the future but all I can see is the fact that you are missing.

I know you will be shouting at me from Heaven and yes I know I should know better, but its days like this that the pain just gets a little worse and clouds my thinking.

Your sisters and I were chatting about you this morning. They reminded me of the mischievous minx you were, you are. How the poor staff at the senior school wouldn’t have know your cheeky ways and how you would have loved that.

 They also reminded me where you are right now. In Heaven a place we all wish to be. How you are now free from the constant pain and limitations Rett syndrome placed upon your body. They are right of course. Just some days this doesn’t make the pain of losing you any easier.

Then Kennedy, bless her told me she was jealous of you, this surprised me so I asked her to elaborate.  She explained that you were now with Jesus and all the great men and women that have gone before us. She asked me to imagine the teachings you could have. To be taught about your faith by God’s son. To be taught history by the people who made it, to be showed science by the creators.

What a mass of images your sister gave me. What a gift.

So yes young lady I’m hurting I won’t even try to deny this. But I do know we will be together again and I have to be patient. Then on that day when we are reunited you can tell me all about your schooling Heaven style.

Miss you baby .

Mom xx

Head exploding with images, thoughts that make no sense. Hormones flooding your body, switching from tears to laughter in seconds. Angry, frustrated but don’t know why.

Welcome to being a teenager.

It’s so hard being a parent and not having the magic cream to make it all better. I watch her struggle to control her emotions. She is broken hearted but doesn’t know why. I hear the words “life is horrid” from her lips it cuts like a knife.

How do I help, my love for her is unconditional.

I remember going through this with her sister but she is a different character more open with her emotions.

E seems to believe it is a weakness to cry. I want to wrap her in my arms and rock her like a baby. She won’t allow this.

How do I prove to her how beautiful she is inside and out. I have always admired her strength and courage and even her stubbornness but now they feel like unbreakable walls blocking me from holding her close.

I know we will get through this somehow. All children go through this but my babies have been through so much in the last years. Losing their sister brought pain to their hearts.  They are amazing, clever, kind and so much more.

 How can I get E to believe this of herself. Life isn’t easy and yes it is often unfair but love will overcome all.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But for the greatest of these is love”  1 Corinthians 13.13

Well he we go, my first attempt at the weekly Gallery with Sticky Fingers.

I found the prompt this week quite hard, it was to recreate a title from one of your favorite novels. Well I am a complete crime nut and psychological thrillers. I didn’t fancy titles full of blood and murder on my blog. In fact I have surprised myself at my reading material.

So I turned to the old classics, I’m sure you will know what this is straight away.

Sometimes to fight the pain of  not being able to do this. 

Just one more hug

I hold on tighter to these 

My girls

 They are not substitute’s they are joy in my heart. Each one of my children holds a piece of heart.  Holding them close reminds me of Jesus great promise that we will all be together again in eternity. My heart will be complete again. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” Psalms 147;3

 Create memories and hold your loved ones close. My memories are gifts that I slowly unravel in those quiet times. I cherish these memories but look forward to making many more.  Life might not always go as planned but I live with hope. Together we will all be reunited again God’s love promises us that.

 “That everyone who believes in him may have eternal life” John 3;15 

This man holds my heart

This weekend I made an awful mistake. The only person who really suffered was I but I’m sure my demeanour was fabulous for those who live with me.

I don’t mention it often but I suffer from a condition called M.E, yes I have this illness and yes it causes me pain but I refuse to let it define who I am.

Anyway Friday evening I went to the medicine cabinet only to find that I had run out of my main painkillers. How stupid was I. I have no one to blame but myself for my absent-mindedness.

The thing is, there are so many times you will find me moaning that I don’t believe they work anymore. I now know that they certainly do. Being without them have made me realise how much I need them and what a good job they are doing. 

This has made me think about my relationship with God. Have I been taking his presence in my life for granted?  I know he is always there but do I show him the glory he deserves.

Life gets complicated at times and we do all what we can to survive. Stress, nerves, anger, grief this has been part of my life for what seems like forever. In reality it hasn’t but some days I can honestly say forever is what it feels like. 

Coping with all these emotions can be exhausting to the point of collapse. What I have realised though is that I haven’t collapsed because like my medicines my Lord is in my system in my heart in my body filling me with the strength I need each and every day. Unlike my medication he never runs out. His supply of love and compassion is never-ending. It is eternal.

I cannot and wouldn’t wish to imagine what my life with be like without my faith. This weekend has showed me the value of my medicines for my health. My life shows me the value of my faith.

Its Ifellowship day. I love these guys at Seeds of faith, please take a look.