Every time I see a magazine with models on the covers looking perfect, or enter a shop full of beautiful clothes I actually feel sick.
My body shape has changed so much in the last few years due to children, illness etc that I hate trying on clothes. I have just come to accept that if I see a top, dress I like you can guarantee it won’t be in my size.
The thing is I have kind of accepted the body I have, I don’t like it but unless a cure can be found for my illness I’m not going to be running any marathons anytime soon. My weight is also not helped by the medication which is great for pain but lousy for weight loss.
It’s been a weird road for me, I was a dancer in my younger years and finding clothes to fit was never a problem the tighter the better.
Move on 16 years it’s a case of the bagger the better and as for my style I really give up. I still like the rockabilly look but maybe a little smart too. Let’s be honest I haven’t a clue, I need help.
When the kids were younger I didn’t really stress to much, my wardrobe pretty much consisted of jeans and black T-shirt’s with the odd blouse for smarter occasions.
But recently I have found myself attending more meetings, conferences and workshops and have been feeling undressed and to be honest a bit of a scruff.
Now with Brit mums coming up I am actually really stressed and feel really sick.
The email for the brilliance in blogging finalists reminding us to wear what we are happy to have our photo took in has send me into a spiral of self doubt, fear and pretty much self loathing.
I’m trying to find the confidence to go shopping in hope of the perfect conference outfit. You know one that will look great on the photos but not be to overdressed for the workshops and will also not look out of place at the party in the evening. Yes I know I’m asking a lot.
So far I’ve only managed to look online and there is some beautiful plus size clothes out there, but will they suit me and my personality.
I know as we get older our bodies change and its part of life but I do think that changing styles also happens as we age. Not many of us would wear the same outfit at 36 that we wore at 18.
I guess I have to just work out what style suits this body and this 36 year olds personally.