Simply unforgettable

Posted on April 12, 2013 by admin

She cried herself to sleep in my arms.

She had a dream or maybe a nightmare?

She was surrounded by people she knew, people she loved but they didn’t remember.

She was asking questions that they had no answers for.

Sharing memories that they couldn’t recall.

She cried so hard, fear tugging at her soul.

Struggling to breathe through the sobs.

Hiccuping, coughing, nose running.

My sleeve felt wet as she snuggled her head into my arms.

I could feel the heaviness of her chest as it lay on mine.

“They have forgotten her mom”she cried.

“She’s gone” “disappeared “.

“How could they? ”

“why would they”?

I hold her tight my tears dropping softly on her head.

How do I find the words?

How can I make this right?

Her fear, her nightmare is the inner demon I fight every day.

“Please Lord don’t let her be forgotten”.

We hold each other close like we are the strength we need to stay all together.

Mother and daughter a bond like no other.

We whisper promises to heaven.

Words of memories.

We will never forget.

The bond of a mother daughter

The kinship of sisters.

It’s eternal

We won’t forget.

She is in every breathe I take.

In every beat of my heart.

We won’t forget.

Because simply

Livvy is unforgettable.

Desperate – Sarah Mae, Sally Clarkson – Booksneeze

Posted on January 5, 2013 by admin

When the blurb on the book starts with the words “I just cant be a mother today” I knew i needed to read this book and guess what, I was right.

To be honest I have admired the writings of Sarah Mae for a while now, her story at times has been mine and so in her words i often find my heart. So I wasn’t surprised by how great this book is yet not knowing that much about Sally Clarkson i feel that i have been doubly blessed.

This is a book that allows you to be honest in a raw here I am way. Its written in a way that not only encourages you to be transparent but comforts you as you do so.

It isn’t a parenting to do book but a book that holds you in a way that restores your heart.

The first chapter of this book left me in tears, Sarah Mae’s words are so close to my heart that my restraint just fell away. She understands, she knows, she has lived and her honesty about it is so refreshing.

Sally Clarkson is the woman we all wish we had in our life, she doesn’t pretend to have all the answers but will love you as you find them. Her wisdom, her guidance is something I wish all new mothers and older mothers like myself wish they had given to them with their pre-natal vitamins.

I’ve raised four children and at one time had four under five and I’ve been there knee deep in nappies and baby-grows. I’ve also tried and failed to live the life of a perfect mother. This book shows us why, simply there is no such thing as a perfect mother, just a mom who is perfect right there as she is trying her best to raise her children in a home full of love and laughter.

Expectations are the words of the enemy when they cause us to grieve if we cannot reach them. The whisperings in your ears that you aren’t good enough is the voice of the enemy. Ignore them and read this book.

So many books have been written about parenting that after you have read them you are left feeling dismayed and not good enough.That method that should work doesn’t for your child.

This isn’t a fault not everything works for every child.

The simple truth is you know your child, your know what works in your life.

The videos that come alongside at the end of the chapters are such a welcome, as you get to see the respect between Sarah and Sally. To hear them remind you of the chapter and also reiterate that you are loved.

The exercises aren’t hard or hard work but really do help you focus and plan.

Desperate is a parenting book like no other, it is the best friend who calls you to remind you that you are doing an awesome job.

Its the wisdom that guides but not dictates.

Its a blessing

This is seriously a beautiful book, written by two beautiful people.

I don’t care what people say.

Posted on August 20, 2011 by admin

I don’t care what people say it doesn’t get easier. Time doesn’t heal. The pain doesn’t lessen. The only thing that changes is the way you cope with the anguish.

You train your mind to move elsewhere have an arsenal of thoughts, ideas to distract you from the deep burning ache within your soul. The tear across your heart that hurts so bad.

Just tonight I found myself chancing across a photo
I hadn’t seen for a while and my heart broke again into a million pieces.

Its strange that only earlier today i was talking about the need to keep my mind occupied that any down time leaves space for the memories to come flooding in. The fact is I don’t need space, my daughter is in every thought,every breath I take.

In a few hours I will take flowers to her grave. I will stand there feeling empty and broken. The flowers are all that I can do, keeping her resting place pretty. I don’t believe she is there anymore yet I need it to be pretty.

Then on Sunday I will pack for my holiday still feeling the emptiness of her missing. Going through the motions knowing that nothing will ever be complete again. Nothing is how it truly should be.

I don’t live it the past, as I’ve said before that wouldn’t be fair on my other girls. What I will say is I live in the now, in the future aware a piece of me is missing.

Somedays I pretend. I convince myself she is at school. It’s easier when the girls aren’t with me but when we are all together the pretence doesn’t hold.

I sound depressing don’t I. I really don’t mean to. I’m not this way. It’s just those moments when my resolve crumbles and I break. I’m angry at the world and life is pretty dim. I let the tears fall and the grief loose out of soul. Then ten maybe twenty minutes later before the girls see my tears I pull myself together and carry on. What choice do I have really.

I’ve said before I still find it hard to believe that your heart can break but your body carries on. At times against your will.

So this post has been written in one of those broken ten minutes. The tears are falling and my heart is aching. Soon it will be time for me to pull myself together but as the girls are safely tucked away in bed. I may just let myself be for a while. Drop the act, scream at God and just generally grieve for my beautiful daughter Livvy who left to soon.

For those who say time heals that’s the biggest lie. Time just means more time without the one you love.