Desperate – Sarah Mae, Sally Clarkson – Booksneeze

Posted on January 5, 2013 by admin

When the blurb on the book starts with the words “I just cant be a mother today” I knew i needed to read this book and guess what, I was right.

To be honest I have admired the writings of Sarah Mae for a while now, her story at times has been mine and so in her words i often find my heart. So I wasn’t surprised by how great this book is yet not knowing that much about Sally Clarkson i feel that i have been doubly blessed.

This is a book that allows you to be honest in a raw here I am way. Its written in a way that not only encourages you to be transparent but comforts you as you do so.

It isn’t a parenting to do book but a book that holds you in a way that restores your heart.

The first chapter of this book left me in tears, Sarah Mae’s words are so close to my heart that my restraint just fell away. She understands, she knows, she has lived and her honesty about it is so refreshing.

Sally Clarkson is the woman we all wish we had in our life, she doesn’t pretend to have all the answers but will love you as you find them. Her wisdom, her guidance is something I wish all new mothers and older mothers like myself wish they had given to them with their pre-natal vitamins.

I’ve raised four children and at one time had four under five and I’ve been there knee deep in nappies and baby-grows. I’ve also tried and failed to live the life of a perfect mother. This book shows us why, simply there is no such thing as a perfect mother, just a mom who is perfect right there as she is trying her best to raise her children in a home full of love and laughter.

Expectations are the words of the enemy when they cause us to grieve if we cannot reach them. The whisperings in your ears that you aren’t good enough is the voice of the enemy. Ignore them and read this book.

So many books have been written about parenting that after you have read them you are left feeling dismayed and not good enough.That method that should work doesn’t for your child.

This isn’t a fault not everything works for every child.

The simple truth is you know your child, your know what works in your life.

The videos that come alongside at the end of the chapters are such a welcome, as you get to see the respect between Sarah and Sally. To hear them remind you of the chapter and also reiterate that you are loved.

The exercises aren’t hard or hard work but really do help you focus and plan.

Desperate is a parenting book like no other, it is the best friend who calls you to remind you that you are doing an awesome job.

Its the wisdom that guides but not dictates.

Its a blessing

This is seriously a beautiful book, written by two beautiful people.

My baby is now a senior

Posted on September 5, 2012 by admin

That’s it no more school run!

My baby is now officially a senior.

I can’t believe how grown up
She looks all dressed up in her uniform.

My eldest is now in 6th form, my 2nd in year 10 and my baby in year 7.

How did this happen?

No playground duty, no school drop offs or pick ups.

I only have to wave them off.

I’m not liking it at all.

What do our children have to grow up?

A holiday to recover from this one

Posted on August 28, 2012 by admin

I’m exhausted

The thoughts in my head are struggling to make sense.

I can’t hear myself think

As much as I love my children I fed up of being their amusement, cash point, referee.

I thought it was supposed to be easier as they get older?

I admire they dedication in their pursuit to drive me insane.

I’m finding myself saying phrases like “just because” “I don’t want to know” and “give up”.

Where did the grace I started the holidays disappear to?

Like rain tumbling down the drain my patience has slowly left the building.

Ive tried, I’ve drew, I’ve shopped, I’ve played, I’ve listened , i’ve refereed but I’m tired.

The holidays are too long

I need a holiday to recover from this one.

Enough

Posted on July 20, 2012 by admin

Another five minute Friday post joining up with Lisa-Jo Baker

No more biting my tongue when they don’t understand.

It seems being sensitive is a crime nowadays.

It’s ok mom she says, it’s over, I’ve finished, I’ve left.

Yet I’m still left with a taste of bitterness in my mouth.

I’m praying the senior school will be where she finds her place.

She tells me she isn’t lost.
“God will always be my direction
He is my heart and I won’t change that to fit in.”

Those who tell me she is too sensitive, too weak.

Hear her heart as it beats with the strength of love, the warmth of compassion and the kindness of empathy.

My baby is enough
My baby is more than enough
She is one of God’s amazing creations and he makes no mistakes

This is Enough

End of an Era

Posted on July 19, 2012 by admin

I watched my daughters school play today, it was based on the Olympics and was really good and very humorous. My husband, I and my mom had a great time.

Yet as I was sitting there watching the stage full of year 6 I was struck by the fact that this week brings an end to an era for us known as primary education.

This week I have watched my last primary school play, will attend my last leavers service and will soon be doing my final school run.

All my babies are actually now fully fledged senior school children. How in the world did that happen?

It only feels like yesterday I was crying on the school playground as I watched my daughter enter the classroom for her first day at school, 7 years on, here I am.

Now I’m going to say this all loosely because as you all know I dream of adoption so if my dreams become reality one day I will be doing this all again, though of course a little different as I will hopefully one day adopt a special needs child.

But I’m regressing again in the here and now this is a big thing for me, no more school runs, no more school playground politics this it.

I will be waving all four off at the door in September.

What shall I do with the time?

Will I use the time saved by not having to do the school run to stay on top of the housework?

Yeah like thats going to happen.

Maybe I will get my paperwork in order and blog posts out on time.

Errrrmmm, we will see.

I haven’t a clue, to be honest the time will probably get lost in the norm.

The real thing I have to get my head around is that my baby is no longer a baby.

She is off to senior school.

Not sure I like the idea of her being in that big place surrounded by those evil beings we call teenagers.

No seriously ,I’m not that worried she has had plenty of practice with her sisters.

Senior school is going to be a great thing for Brodie, her desire to learn is great so hopefully this will encouraged and nurtured.

As for me I will be a brave mommy and wont cry as I stand on that playground for the last time. Wont blubber all the way through the leaving service even when she sings her solo.

I will be a brave mommy who looks forward to the freedom of no school runs and the opportunity to stay in my pjs all morning and catch an extra hour in bed.

Ok maybe thats a big fib, I will be sobbing and refusing to accept my baby is growing up, but isn’t that a mothers right?

Always my baby

I have the Blues

Posted on July 18, 2012 by admin

I think I have a bit of the post conference blues.

At the Brit mums weekend I was Sara and I loved it.

As much as I cherish being mom sometimes I lose my identity under the piles of dirty washing and endless tantrums.

My job also doesn’t really give me a place to be Sara as a foster carer parenting is my job, which yes I love but hey where am I?

Maybe it just a case of the blues, that will soon pass over, or maybe its the inner me shouting a little louder than normal.

While we all love our roles of mother, wife etc we still need to remember that we are ourselves too.

To indulge in our passions be in it books, nights out, nights in.

Whatever we desire, need.

I need to take this on board more.

I need to not wait for those once a year weekends to embrace the woman inside.

This doesn’t detract from the roles I play it enhances them.

A happy mom makes for happy children.

A contented wife has a contented husband

So I’m make a new resolution (no its not new year) I’m going to celebrate me a little more, indulge me a little more, embrace me a little more.

I’m going to step out of the roles that have been defining me and learn more about the woman within.

I’m sure she is still there somewhere?

Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all. Hans Christian Anderson

My Sleeping Gifts

Posted on July 4, 2012 by admin

Do you remember the moment you first lay your newborn down to sleep?

Did you stand there and watch the gentle rising of her chest?

Just wallowing in the wonder of parenthood.

That beautiful precious child is yours.

A gift from God

I still wallow in this gift.

I stand and watch my girls sleep and revel in the innocence of the land of dreams.

No stress of exams or SATs of boys and friendships.

Just peace.

I love checking in on my girls and night and seeing them like this.

My babies, my world, my gifts.

** I did check with my girls before posting these photos.

Believing in myself

Posted on June 21, 2012 by admin

Today one of my daughters told me off. I was moaning about how nervous I was for this weekends Brit mums live when she told me straight.

“mom if you don’t believe in yourself how do you expect others too.”

Bang, right in my face!

How true , here I am harping on about my nerves probably making you all think I’m some kind of sloppy wimp.

When the fact is that’s not true.

Ok I’m not an overly outgoing person but I can and do generally chat to anyone, anywhere.

I have spoken in public numerous times on different subjects and do actually really enjoy it.

I also liaise with professionals from all walks of life on a weekly if not daily basis.

I am the co-founder of a charity Livvy’s Smile which is growing fantastically and have hosted and organised numerous events.

I’m also a writer both here and in other places including the Compassion UK Blog and fostering publications.

I’m also a mom to four incredible girls and a foster mom to one young man.

And to top it all off I’m also in the Brilliance in Blogging Inspire category final with Brit Mums, how about that.

So come on girl pull yourself together.

One gigantic kick up the bum coming my way.

So from now on I’m stepping forward with a new attitude.

I’m going to start believing in myself more.

And in the words of Babe Ruth

Don’t let the fear of striking out hold you back. – Babe Ruth

I was a brave mommy

Posted on June 12, 2012 by admin

I kept my promise, I didn’t let the tears fall until the coach turned the corner. I was a brave mommy and she was a brave daughter.

Brave mommy & Daughter

I could only smile sweetly to the other parents as I walked to car, no words would form on my lips.

I know it’s silly, it’s a school trip for goodness sake. A chance for fun laughter and adventure. I hope it’s filled with all of these and so much more and friendships that will bind for a lifetime, but I’m going to miss her like crazy.

She isn’t my baby anymore, at 11 she is nearing those teenage years but like her sisters before her, she will always be my baby, they all are.

Growing up

Yet this sweet one is my last born, no more rocking newborns through the night.

No more sweet toddler kisses.

She is growing up and way to soon for this mommy’s heart.

This school term is her final at primary, September will see her join her big sisters in the world of senior school. She is nervously excited, I am nervously sick.

She is now an ocean away, out of this country out of my reach.

I know it’s only five days, but right now it’s five days to many.

I’ve sat here watching the Disney channel, laughing at Austin and Ally pretending she is on the sofa next to me.

Crazy isn’t it. Sad, well maybe a little.

Her big sisters are offering extra hugs partly to ease my pain and partly due their missing of their little sister.

At times she drives them insane but they are so protective over her. They are missing her dry humour but not her tell tales.

I am fighting not to wish the week away, to enjoy the events I have planned but it’s hard.

I’m a typical mother hen needing her brood around her, I hate it when they go away but still I want them all to experience all the adventures that life has to offer.

So for Brodie I am praying she has an amazing time in France, enjoys the adventure sports and the sunshine but for myself I am praying for a week that flies by. Staying busy and staying occupied and maybe that means more Disney channel.

It seems I’m archaic

Posted on June 7, 2012 by admin

Did I not realise that I am here to cater for their every need.

How awful that I require them to do those awful things called chores.

Do I not understand that none of their friends have to do the above.

Why don’t I understand that I should just hand out money for every new top they see or every trip to the cinema.

I mean the attitude that’s their right of passage, they have to go through it and I have to accept it.

True it’s ok for me to have an opinion but hey they don’t have to hear it.

Of course you can’t make plans they may need a lift somewhere at sometime.

Everyone has mobiles at the dinner table you are just being archaic.

Bedrooms are their personal space, if they want them to smell or grow penicillin in discarded cups, I have to allow them this.

On a serious note sometimes I have days I just want to scream, ” I give up”. What I would give for a house full of four under fives again. It was so much easier then, they wanted to play and laugh and tickle and I was the centre of their world.

Parenting is hard, parenting teenagers is very hard.

How is it possible to want to love someone and strangle them at the same time? Ask a parent of a teenager.