Saturday was an amazing day, we held a Livvy’s Smile Donkey Tea Party.
The sun shone for us, the donkeys behaved and memories were made.
I had a truly wonderful time.
I got to catch up with old friends and make some new.
I got to listen to laughter as it filled the air.
I got to watch children cover themselves with chocolate and cream as they ate their cakes.
Donkey rides, cart rides and so much more.
Seriously it was awesome.
Yet as I sat at home editing the photos from the day my tears began to fall.
My heart just ached for the missing piece of my puzzle.
Whilst I was blessed with some amazing hugs from some truly incredible children my heart yearned for my little Tinkerbell.
Birmingham Donkey Sanctuary holds a special place in my heart.
Each corner is filled with the echo of my Olivia.
Those first steps she took defying the Drs.
The giggles as she rode her favourite donkey.
The dirty looks she gave Amber when told to sit up straight.
So many moments, so many memories.
I was asked why we started Livvy’s Smile and why I hold events that bring me pain?
It is simple really we started Livvy’s Smile because we are so grateful.
So thankful for the wonderful memories we have stored from Livvy.
Memories that truly get us through the darkness and we just want to give that light to other families.
On Saturday we created those special memories full of chocolate eclairs and cool moms.
Memories that will give us hope through the hard times.
Why do I it when it causes me pain?
Because I can and because I have to.
I was blessed to be Livvy’s mom, to get to call this amazing girlie my daughter.
Livvy changed my life.
The realisation that we didn’t have forever taught me to live in the here and now.
To live a life full of laughter and love.
So yes hosting these events will always be bittersweet.
I’m sure I will always return home and cry for the missing piece of my heart.
But I will never stop working hard to create memories because each moment, each memory is in honour of my beautiful daughter.
Every smile I see brings her closer.
Yes, I know my heart will always ache,
Grief is relentless.
Like a snake it slowly twists around your heart until you cannot breathe.
Your body craves for one more breathe, one more moment.
So as the tears fall I know they do so in honour.
Each teardrop is formed in everlasting love.
Livvy is part of who I am and who I always will be.
Livvy’s Smile is testimony to eternal love.